This last weekend we visited my inlaws in Tallahassee. It was a three day weekend since Monday was Martin Luther King Day and all three days were spent there. I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want to complain about it either. I hate when my wife complains to me about having to visit my parents, so I spared her the agony. I don't think she wanted to go very much either. For some reason we needed to visit them, even though they came to stay with us for four days after Christmas which was just 3 weeks ago.
One of the things that I dislike about visiting them is just hanging around the house with nothing to do. So we did do something each of the three days, but her family takes so long to get ready to do anything that we never left the house until 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon. So I watched a lot of TV. Meanwhile her Mom talks constantly at full volume, henpecks her Dad, makes excuses for going off of her diet, not exercising, not cleaning the house. I get so frustrated.
Of course I had no time alone to myself and no sexual attention from my wife, so I was waking up in the middle of the night dying for sex. I couldn't get back to sleep so I just lied there next to my wife, staring at the ceiling, imagining how it could be possible to talk to her openly, make her want to please me, or get out of our marriage before we have any kids and find someone more attuned to me. On the morning of the second day I stopped her before she got out of bed and said, "If I don't have some sex I'm going to hurt or kill someone," so we fooled around. I know that seems like I got what I wanted, but that is the bare minimum. That is having sex only when and if I ask for it. That is acquiescence, nowhere near passion.
Tuesday it was back to work. I have two bosses, both were out of the office this week so everyone has been coming in late and hardly working. I haven't done anything all week. I have things I need to do, but I can't bring myself to bother. I just don't give a shit. I know it's entirely passive aggressive of me, but it is what it is. After work I haven't been doing anything noteworthy either. I enjoy my time alone before my wife gets home, then I make dinner for us, we eat dinner and walk the dogs together, we sit at our computers and then go to bed.
Where once I was really getting away from pornography, I have been so horrible this week. I have a Cinemax subscription my wife hasn't noticed, I subscribed to a porn website, I stopped at an adult store and bought a DVD. I posted a fake profile on a dating website and have been corresponding with a known scammer. I even purchased a domain and a web host to start a smut site of my own. I have so many unfinished Flash animations, I really think I could do it if I just had the time and motivation. I never will.
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