I Knew It

I knew it was going to happen. Inevitably the closeness and love we were experiencing in the weeks prior to Valentine's Day would fade and we would find ourselves feeling alone and disconnected.

Yesterday my boss kept me late after work, not because I had done anything wrong, but simply because he needed my help working on a spreadsheet and he has no respect for other people's time. My boss loves the way I organize information into spreadsheets. I consider myself skilled in organizing information. He, however, is not. So we spent more than an hour making nonsensical changes to what had been a neat and orderly spreadsheet I had made. All the while I would make reasonable suggestions of ways to do what he wanted to do and he would deflect them, essentially because they weren't his idea. I got close to telling him how disrespectful it was to keep me late when I had sent him that spreadsheet a week ago. But I let it go.

Eventually, he was satisfied and I was allowed to leave. My wife had called during my nightmare so I called her back while I was driving home. I told her why I was held up and how annoyed I was, and then she started telling me about how her clothes don't fit because she's lost weight, and how she needs to buy new suits, and how she would have all of her suits taken in by a seamstress, but she might need bigger suits when she is pregnant, and so on and so on, and I just stopped listening. She talks so much more than I do. I really try to tell her important things that I think she will find interesting, and she just tells me everything. I got off the phone saying I needed to call someone else.

And when I am frustrated, I really don't want to take it out on anyone. I'm more inclined to tell them outright that I am in a bad mood and they shouldn't interact with me at all. It wasn't her fault that my boss has Obessive Compulsive Disorder and is a total jackass on top of that, but still, have a little emotional intuition. Maybe now isn't the best time to go over every random thought you've had today. When I got home, I couldn't urge myself to draw. I knew that I should, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I looked at porn and played video games. It just made me more frustrated.

Then when my wife got home, she started making arrangements for us to take her brother's crazy dog for two weeks while he enters the police academy. She suggested that he might not even have time to drive the 3 hours to bring his dog to us, so I might have to meet him half way. Fuck that, if I wanted someone to take advantage of me, I could go back to the office. So we argued. And I felt pissed off that I was making dinner like a good husband, while she was free to do whatever else she pleased. But I let it go. And I felt even more pissed off that those shoelaces I ordered for her as a late Valentine's Day present arrived, and she didn't get me shit. The only thing she got for me was a red bra and panty set that she still has yet to wear. But I let it go.