Dread

Earlier this week I wanted a beer with dinner, but we didn't have any in the house. We did have liquor, so I decided to make a mixed drink. I asked my wife if she wanted something too, and she did. While I was making it she asked if I was trying to get her drunk. I said, "Why would I want to do that? Alcohol doesn't make you loose, it just makes you tired. Besides, we have enough sex as it is."

She acted surprised and said, "Do you really think so?" I have been expressing that I've wanted to have more sex for quite a while, but that's not how I'm feeling these days.

I said, "I see it like this. If you look at our last 3 NFP charts, we have sex about 5 times each cycle. So we have sex about once a week on average."

She agreed, but surprised me when she said, "Well, I'd still like to have more sex." I asked her if she wanted to have sex 6 times during this cycle, and she said yes. So it's like we have a quota now. And we've only had sex twice so far.

I think there's a real discrepancy between what my wife says or even thinks she wants and what she actually does. In reality my wife only initiates sex once we've gone to bed for the night. And I can't stand having such a predictable sex life. That wrecks the anticipation which I say is just as important as the sex itself.

So she had an appointment to get her hair done on Wednesday night so I had some time alone at home. I logged in to SecondLife and wanted to have virtual sex with someone, but I ended up just chatting with some loser. It was boring. Thursday night I looked at some pornography on the computer, but didn't have much time to myself before my wife got home.

The last time we had sex was on Tuesday night. If I haven't had sex or masturbated in a few days, sometimes I'll have a sex dream while I'm sleeping. I did last night, but it involved another woman. It wasn't anyone I know, but in the dream someone was going to tell my wife what I'd done and I was overwhelmed with dread. It was so real that I was deeply relieved when I woke up and realized that I hadn't done anything wrong.

I had that dream for two reasons. The most obvious reason is that adultery was a theme in a TV show we'd watched before we went to bed. But also, I'm worried about the porn website subscription charge that's going to be on our credit card statement now. A few days ago my wife asked for the password to view our statement online so she could see if another charge went through. Luckily she had trouble logging in, so I just sent her a PDF of the statement with the porn subscription charge removed. But the statement will be mailed to us very soon and I need to intercept it before she sees it. I signed up to stop receiving paper statements but the confirmation said it may take up to 2 months for the paper statements to stop coming in the mail.