Stop Complaining

I've been complaining too much. Things aren't really so awful with my sex life. Looking at it objectively, I'm having sex more regularly now than I ever have. I can see my attitude is starting to change, and I hope it stays. I'm very proud of my wife, she's accomplished a lot in the last few weeks, and what's she's accomplished will help both of us a good deal.

First, she's gotten a new job where she'll be making a lot more money. She'll have a company car, gas paid for by the company, a new laptop and a new cell phone. She won't have to go into an office, and she'll have greater freedom to manage her own time, so I expect she'll be happier overall. She even won a contest at her current company that will give us a free stay at the most expensive hotel in town. The contest involved giving a short presentation about the company's products and she did it better than any of the other sales reps in the region.

There was a time when I honestly felt like she was getting to be more trouble than she was worth. She seemed down and out, and was devoting all of her time and attention to adoring some crappy band and their website message boards. She was putting no effort into our sex life and always seemed to prioritize other interests over our relationship. All throughout her life she's been an overachiever, but it was clear that the job she had was making her feel unsuccessful and seriously damaging her self-esteem. But she's turned everything around now, and I realize that I'm with someone very special.

But I've still been struggling to deal with my sex drive. Where on Thursday night I felt indignant when she apathetically rolled onto her belly to let me get off, I was so hungry for sex on Saturday morning that I couldn't take it anymore. Try as I might, I couldn't get her aroused enough to give or receive oral sex, so when she lied on her stomach, I used her like a cheap sex toy. I took my time and rubbed my cock against her ass until I was good and satisfied. Where her disinterest in sex typically aggrivates me, it can also turn me on a good deal, too.

So her parents and brother visited our house this weekend. Her mom can be seriously obnoxious, and though I get along OK with all of them, I don't always enjoy having them around.My mother-in-law is constantly talking at full volume and blaming my father-in-law for every little thing. And my wife's family takes forever to go and do anything. Having them around meant I couldn't look at pornography on my computer, though, so it was good for me to be forced into a reprieve.

One of the places we went this weekend was a big outdoor mall. My brother-in-law and I went in the Barnes and Noble and I found a thick hardcover book of Playboy Magazine illustrations and cartoons in the discount section. I wanted to get it, but I didn't want my wife's family asking about it so I resolved to pick it up on Monday. My father has a subscription to Playboy Magazine when I was a kid, and he didn't hide them well at all, so I grew up admiring the artists who were featured in the magazine, among other things.

A lot of what I have been drawing recently have been girls, and I'm always trying to simplify and stylize them like Shane Glines or any of the Playboy illustrators that I grew up with. The book seemed like the perfect reference material for me, so I drove up to get it on my lunchbreak yesterday. The mall was so far away, though, that it took almost 2 hours to get there and back. Walking back into the office I felt lame. I felt like I'd let my desire get in the way of more important responsibilities. I should have gone after work. All the same, my boss didn't say anything to me about it. I don't think he even noticed how long I was gone.

By Sunday night, my wife was in the infertile phase of her cycle so we were free to have sex once her family went home. When we got in bed, she turned out the light and then she pulled me on top of her. I thought about how don't like having sex in the dark and how I prefer at least a little foreplay. But then I thought, "Who cares? We're having sex!" I put it out of my head and focussed on enjoying myself.

Usually when we're having sex I like focussing on her pleasure and making her cum, but I know it's easier for both of us to think about someone else when the lights are out. She knows I don't like it and that I feel more connected with her when we can look one another in the eyes. So I fucked her good and hard, and we came together like we typically do. Afterward she said she would probably be sore the next day and I said, "Sorry, was that too hard?"

I still haven't had much of a chance to open those big movie clips I downloaded with my porn site subscription, so I watched some when I got home from work yesterday. I had about twenty minutes to myself before she got home, and I was kind of glad I didn't waste too much time with them. I wish I didn't want or need porn at all, but if I do, I don't want it to be a big part of my life.