Lost Cause

This is always the part of her cycle that makes me crazy. She's in the fertile phase, so we can't have sex, and we just don't seem to connect on weekdays. Predictably, I woke up in the middle of the night on Wednesday night. I was hard as a rock and trying to wake her was pointless. Thursday morning I told her that I needed some lovin' and she said she did, too. The difference being that I meant what I said whereas she was just blowing smoke.

Every week or so I try to visit my brother's house to spend time with my two nephews. Typically my wife complains that I won't be home to make dinner for her. She's always invited to join me for the visit, but in that case she just complains about the food at my brother's house instead. Sometimes I leave my brother's house before they have dinner and my wife seems to appreciate that. I was going to visit my nephews last night so I told my wife that I would be home for dinner at our house. She said she had a big lunch and it was okay with her if I wanted to stay for dinner, so I did. Either she was trying to do something nice for me and let me hang out as long as I wanted, or she was looking forward to the time alone.

Once I got home, she was playing on the Wii like I expected she had been most of the evening. I brought home a second controller and new games, but she kept at what she was playing. I did some laundry and then started downloading the rest of the movies from the porn site to which I had subscribed. It was a conscious response to her lack of attention.

When we went to bed she massaged my neck a bit since I told her it had been bothering me all day. I'd thought it was from playing tennis on the Wii, but I realized that she'd slipped her arm under my pillow the night before and I slept with it there for most of the night. It was uncomfortable at the time, but I didn't realize it would make my neck hurt all day yesterday.

Yet again I woke up hard last night and tried to stir her to fool around. I ran my hands across her body, and pressed myself against her. I could tell she wasn't interested. And it's not as though I wasn't planning on giving her an orgasm first anyway. I turned away from her. She hates it when I turn my back to her in bed. She told me that she was sorry and that she'd just woken up from a bad dream. Was I supposed to feel guilty? I joked, "Nothing will make you feel better like a big donut." You know, donuts are shaped like an O and orgasm starts with O. She still wasn't going for it.

Then she laid flat on her belly. I didn't know this was for my sake. When I didn't climb on her to thrust my cock against her ass she said in a frsutrated tone, "Well if you're going to do it, just do it." Oh, the passion! Forget that. I've had sex with Ziploc bags, but even I don't want a mercy lay of that magnitude, let alone one without penetration. I said, "That's not exactly the level of participation I was hoping for," and we both went back to sleep.

And I proceeded to watch one of the pornographic videos I downloaded in the morning while she was still asleep. That is exactly the kind of situation where I think pornography is doing me a great service, because if I didn't get off this morning I would still be angry with her right now. Thanks to pornography, I'm just bitter instead.

It absolutely takes two to have a good sex life, I know that, but I also know I'm not the one who says one thing and then does another. And comparing male and female sexuality may be like comparing apples to a Rube Goldberg contraptions, but if she came on to me now I would stop what the fuck I was doing and, I don't know, make her feel more important unconsciousness.

She is a lost cause and I can't let it go.

I think I have yet to bitch about how often we see her freaking family, but we do, and they are plenty annoying. Her Mom is overweight and brash, with a twist of psycho. Her Dad, by contrast, is really laid back. So much so that it takes him forever to complete the simplest of tasks. He boondoggles like no one has boondoggled before. And her Mom constantly hen pecks and argues with everyone except me. I want to love them, I really do, but I always end up loving the silence I hear after they leave more. And since it has been a mere 4 weeks since we saw them last, they're coming to visit this weekend. So any hope of relaxing and enjoying the weekend has been safely dashed.