Still Hungry

My wife was visited by her monthly friend yesterday, so it seemed like a great time to tell her how much I appreciate the effort she's been making recently. I think she was glad I brought it up. We didn't do much in the evening. She took a nap, we walked the dogs together, had dinner. We went to bed fairly early and somehow wound up in a wrestling match, trying to lick each other's noses. She wouldn't let up until we were even.

It was great hearing her laughing so much, having such a good time with me. When we were first dating I had a way of saying or doing something that would put her into fits of hysterical laughter. She still laughs a lot these days, but not to that extent. With us both working full time jobs, I think it's difficult keeping our daily lives from being incredibly mundane. Some spontaneous sparring is great for us. I don't even know who started it.

She was really having a hard time landing a lick, too. I don't believe she's weaker than I am. I would say I'm usually more willing to exert myself if heavy things need moving or dirt needs digging. But while we were wrestling she said, "It sucks that you're stronger than me." I probably returned some stupid remark, but I liked hearing her say that. Like it or not, I realize that she controls the sex in our relationship, so I enjoy hearing her acknowledge that I am dominant in other areas. Besides video games.

Since she had a headache earlier in the day, I gave her a good massage at night. It's a great excuse to rub lotion on her naked body. We do not want kids just yet, so we use Natural Family Planning to chart when she is and isn't fertile. When she is fertile and we want to have sex, we'll have oral sex, or I'll put massage lotion on her ass and rub myself against her. I sometimes think that must be a bit weird for her, but we've been doing it for years. On the other hand I once had a girlfriend who would rub herself against my leg when she was turned on, and I rather enjoyed that expression of lust. I think my wife likes that there is a way I can off with her that doesn't involve a blowjob.

So we didn't fool around last night, I didn't expect to, but I have conditioned myself to become aroused by the scent of our massage lotion. I can't smell it without wanting to fuck my wife's perfect ass and cum on the small of her back. I knew I was going to wake up hard and I did. I was too tired to get out of bed, though. We both sleep naked, she insists on it for some reason, so if she is lying on her side I love to just spoon up to her and press my cock against her ass. She sleeps pretty soundly, but often she'll roll onto her back if she feels me doing that. I don't think there is anything that disappoints me more in life than when she rolls over and lies on her back.

As aroused and I can be, as much as I feel a strong desire to have sex every single day, I still feel like porn has nothing more to offer me. For some reason, I always have to see something new. I have to see a scene or photo I've never seen before to get really turned on by pornography. Sometimes I will go on a binge of downloading movie clips and I will cum before I even watch them. The hunt is more exciting than the kill. Feeling apathetic toward pornography could be such a great thing that could help me move away from it, but something inside me wants to continue the hunt.

That is why I purchased a subscription to a cartoon porn website about a week ago. I like erotic drawings because they show idealized women and they sometimes visualize fantasies which would otherwise be impossible. But they never created my login and had to give me a refund. So I'm still hungry for something else. On the rare occassions that I have been in porno shops, almost all of the DVDs disinterest me. The girls in them look so imperfect, I end up getting something for the sake of getting something.

But now that my wife is clearly making a real effort to improve our marriage, I don't need to be tempting fate. I could easily ruin any progress we've made if she catches a glimpse of pornography on my computer or sees some unknown charge on a bank statement. I should be putting my free time toward drawing, but yesterday afternoon I felt so ravenous, I couldn't think of anything else but looking at hot female bodies and getting off. And kneading my wife's bare ass last night really only made matters worse.

So I woke up early, got ready for work and looked at some movie clips before my wife woke up. It was a blonde girl being used by a group of black guys. It felt great and finally relaxed at that moment, but just thinking about it now, I want more. I seriously need to clean off my computer again and move all of the DVDs out of reach again.

The good thing about my wife having her period is that once it's over and done with, she typically wants to have sex at least one more time before she's fertile again and we have to hold off. It may be today or may be tomorrow. Either way it is something to hope for.

Recently she has been working hard to try and get a new job. She's had a good many interviews, and tomorrow she has a second interview for a job in Daytona Beach. When I think of Daytona Beach, I think of spring break girls and strip clubs. I've never been to a strip club. I don't think it would turn me on a great deal. I bet it would make me feel kind of awkward. I don't even like the idea of going to Hooters. There aren't any strip clubs near where we live. I know there are some in Jacksonville, but I assume the girls inside aren't all that hot. I think it's safe to assume that if we end up having to move to Daytona Beach, I am going to go into a strip club some night, because I have heard that the girls there are extremely hot. And the better side of me doesn't want to be faced with the temptation.

Next Monday will be our third wedding anniversary. The traditional wedding anniversary gift is something leather. My wife is trying to learn to play the bass guitar so I got her a leather strap from her wish list. She doesn't know what to get me, so we talked about it, and I was cleared to buy her something leather which she will wear for me. I can't wait to pick something out. I would so love to get her in the habit of wearing sexy outfits. Not even in public, just for me.