So last night was fairly good. I worked enough on a new drawing in Adobe Flash to post it on my website. It's taken several days to get it to that point, though, so I think I need to find a quicker method of turning sketches into finished art. I want to complete 11 more in the same style in order to produce a calendar, and that could take more than a month at the current speed. The finished drawing looks good I think, but I like the way the line work looks on the original sketch better.
Right now I am reproducing every line of the original sketch in Adobe Flash and adding color to it, but maybe I can redraw the sketch in pen and ink before scanning it into the computer, or clean up the original drawing in Photoshop, or redraw it onscreen my WACOM table. Any one of those methods might save me time and let me focus more on colorizing and rendering the drawing on the computer.
I did look at a little bit of pornography yesterday evening, but didn't waste too much time on it, just glanced here and there while drawing without getting too aroused. It always seems that if I haven't had an orgasm in a few days, I wake up in the middle of the night with serious hard on. I used to search the TV for the slightest sex scene that might get me off, or get out of bed and look at porn on the computer, but I didn't need to do that last night.
See , back when we had DirecTV, I had ordered a few adult movies and watched them with my wife sleeping right beside me. She never woke up, but she eventually found out about it thanks to the monthly bill. I felt bad, but I can't help but think it was a good thing that she found out. Before I had ordered any adult movies, I had talked to her about trying to improve our sex life. She would agree to make more of an effort, but there would never be any significant change in her behavior. Then once she realized that I had ordered some movies, it sparked a long discussion between us and some things have changed for the better since then. Now if I wake up in the middle of the night, I can sometimes wake her up and we'll have sex together. I was able to wake her up last night and have some fun, so that was awesome.
That's definitely better than taking matters into my own hands, but I still dream of having her initiate sex out of the blue or maybe wearing something sexy just for me. Anything that would make our sex life a little more unpredictable. As it is, we use NFP as our method of contraception, so we already know exactly when we can and can't have sex. But on top of that, it seems like she only wants to have sex in bed at the very end of the day. I, on the other hand, prefer sex at any random any time of day EXCEPT when I am so exhausted that I have to go to bed to sleep.
Of course, if you're only having sex infrequently, it seems moronic to turn your wife down for any reason. But when the same thing happens over and over again, with her completely ignoring my own preference, it gets incredibly frustrating. We could be sitting on the couch side by side passively watching TV one instant, and then once I feel like I am so tired that I can't do anything else but sleep, that's when she starts coming on to me. It's not exactly inspiring to think that she'd rather finish watching whatever TV show over having sex with me, either.
So when the same script plays out time and time again, I think it becomes a bigger issue and represents a lack of consideration on her part. And it gets me to thinking about other things she doesn't do for me. And by no means do I think I'm the perfect husband, but I do take pleasure in helping her out when I can. I'll iron her clothes in the morning if she's late, offer to pick up things she needs from whatever store, things like that. Where she will do the specific things I ask her to do, she doesn't really come up with her own ideas to add a little happiness to my life. And I don't think we should always have to ask each other for every little thing or constantly remind one another to be supportive. If that is the case, it shows that we really aren't thinking about each other at all.
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